Anger Management - Part 2

Anger Management is never about stopping you from expressing your anger completely. It's OK to feel angry. In fact, trying to suppress or deny your anger can lead to a mass of physical complaints, such as headaches, depression, stress, and sleeping or eating problems. It can also lead you to erupt into violent behavior if your anger has been simmering without an outlet.

The key, though, is to express your anger in an assertive, controlled way. Managing anger effectively can benefit you and those around you. Your health may improve, you'll feel better about yourself, and strained relationships may heal when you control your anger.

Of course, no one said anything about the easy way out. Controlling your temper is never easy but here are some tips to help get your anger under control.

• Do something physically exerting. Physical activity can provide an outlet for your erupting emotions. Go for a run, brisk walk, swim, lift weights or any other physical activity you like.
• Take a “time out”. Hold your tongue and count to 10 before reacting. This can really help to defuse your temper.
• Always think carefully before you say anything else you might regret it.
• Practice deep breathing exercises or learn to meditate.
• Always find alternative ways and mean to calm yourself down.
• Use “I” statements when describing the problem to avoid criticizing or blaming issues, e.g. “I’m upset when you didn’t pay attention to me during the dinner”, instead of, “You never pay any attention to me.” To do the latter will likely upset the other person and worsen the situation.
• Do not use sarcasm. Just some humor to release the tension such as imagining either yourself or the other party in silly situations.
• Once you’ve calmed down, express your anger as soon as possible by talking to the person who angered you in a controlled manner or someone you’re comfortable with so you’re not left stewing.
• Don’t hold grudges. It’s impossible to expect everyone to behave exactly you want them to.

It may take some time and great effort to practice these anger management strategies but it's worth it.

Anger Management

Are you an angry person? Would I like you when you're angry? Or do you change into a certain big green angry creature as soon your heart beat races up? Of course, anger is very natural but it can be destructive when expressed inappropriately. You need to explore and gauge your anger level to gain control.

So what makes you angry? How exactly do you express yourself when you're angry? Do you express it in a healthy and assertive way? Or in a hostile and aggressive way? Do you slam down the phone when faced with computerized voice prompts that seemed forever? Ever put your fist through the wall after an argument with someone?

Well, actually anger isn't such a bad thing. It can help protect you against some dangerous situations, motivate you to solve problems, or lead a reformation on social culture. Sure, daily frustrations, impatience and resentments can light up your temper but for many people, these are just fleeting moments. They are able to control themselves and quickly return to their calm self without sending their tempers to a volcanic eruption.

BUT, if your blood boils at the slightest minor irritation like losing the parking space that was supposed to be yours, or at the check out counter when the new cashier's a bit slow, you may need to improve how you're managing anger. Anger that's out of control can be pretty destructive to your life - problems to relationship, work place, and your own health.

So, how exactly do you express your anger? You might want to consider some of these questions to assist in assessing yourself;

1. Do you get angry more often than anyone else you know?
2. Do you get angrier than is necessary?
3. Do you use threatening language and gesture?
4. Do you express anger that overwhelms you and others?
5. Do you get angry enough to hit or kick things, people or animals?
6. Do you use alcohol or drugs to calm yourself?
7. Do you fume for hours or days?
8. Do you experience physical reactions such as muscle tension or racing heart beat when angry?
9. Do you often hide your anger and try to suppress your feelings?
10.Does expressing your anger make you feel better about yourself and the person who made you angry?

You need to identify the ways you express your anger to determine if you need to change the way how you respond to situations. You may have reacted too aggressively or too passively. Either way, you can learn more about yourself and make plans to deal with it.

Abusive Relationship - Part 2

I wish it was really easy to recognize an abuser but it's not that simple. Come on, how hard can it be? Well, there are a few reasons to that; (1) We were never been taught the red-flag signs to see in an abuser, (2) Physical abuse is much more easier to identify than emotional and mental abuse, and (3) It's confusing when you're in a relationship and identify that your date is an abuser.

And as I've mentioned earlier in part 1, not only women are subject to abusive relationship - men can too although they would never want to admit it for fear of losing their pride. Such abuse can be in forms of emotional abuse and for some cases, physical abuse too.

Perhaps you wondering if you can spot an abuser or if you're involved in one, here are some questions which could help in the identification. If you answered yes to any of these questions or a lot of them, I suggest you speak to someone who can assist.

1. Do you feel that there's something wrong with your relationship but can't describe it?
2. Does your date get jealous or angry when you talk to the opposite sex?
3. Does your date accuse you of cheating all the time?
4. Does you date blame you for everything that goes wrong?
5. Do you feel nervous when you're together with your date?
6. Are you afraid to disagree with your date?
7. Do you feel that your thoughts and opinions are not valued by your date?
8. Will your date do anything to win an argument by threatening or putting you down?
9. Are you told that no one else would want you?
10. Does you date tell you how to manage your finances all the time?
11. Does your date's jealousy stop you from seeing your family or close friends?
12. Do you feel like you have to account for your time?
13. Does your date call you names when you try to talk about your problems?
14. Do you have to be careful with your action so as to avoid his/her anger?
15. Does your date ever scare you with threatening or violent behavior?
16. Does your date punish you for resisting control?
17. Does our date prevent you from going out or doing things you want to do?
18. Does your date tell you that if you've changed, he/she won't abuse you anymore?
19. Does your date tell you that they will hurt you or themselves if you break up with them?
20. Did your date seemed charming initially but now criticizes and humiliate you in from of others?

If you're convinced that you're with someone who is abusive, the main thing you need to realize is that you are not responsible for their behavior. Abusers are skilled at twisting the truth to make you feel that you're the one to be blamed for their problems. Remember, it's not your fault.